Biblical Feminism, God is Love, Marriage — August 28, 2014 at 12:13 am

Lessons from Carol Elaine



Today, our twenty-fourth anniversary, I share just a few of the things my Carol Elaine Durkin Trott is to me.

Teacher, Teacher

I jump out of my skin

When you touch me with your existence

I cannot learn enough about you

And the brilliant gold

Of you, completely real, real.

History happens,

Regardless of philosophy or books

Events progress inevitably forward

And you exist,

teacher of my heart and mind

I fly off-center,

unsure of things as they are

Without your presence

and your acceptance

Do I speak of you or of God?

His love is so blended with yours,

I sometimes cannot tell

I miss you simply, completely

until your face fills my eyes

and your breath touches my neck, softly

Dearest Carol

My teacher, teacher

What will we learn next?

The primary lesson Carol has taught and continues to teach me? Speak God’s Love with your hands. All other languages are echoes of the language of service, of hospitality. Carol’s actions take place in the world of small and mostly unnoticed, unseen things. Like God, her actions require wakefulness on my part before they are noticed or appreciated. But if I am awake, I observe a thousand acts of love in the space of one day.



I saw my sweet Carol rise up like a bird

The trees clapped bony hands

At the one who loves them.


The woman rises early and loves with her hands

Her heart strings are her fingers

And she plucks notes from even strangers.


I observed her carefully filling bird feeders

Though we were city-bound in only an hour

“A waste,” I thought, but remembered God’s seeders.


I heard my dearling singing and cleaning

the world paid no attention

to the one scrubbing its face, loving it.


She is like a tree, planted beside a river of desire

Christ courses through her bark

and her leaves caress the restless breeze.


Not in small part because of my dearling, I became aware of my own tendency to harshness and traditionally male ego masquerading as “taking the husband’s place” in our marriage. I turned toward both feminism and the bible, finding in them very much agreement about loving and mutuality. Carol smiles, saying I led her into becoming a feminist… yet she doesn’t know it was my need to love her better that forced me to do so!

Solomon’s Folly

“See, this is what I found, says the Teacher, adding one thing to another to find the sum, which my mind has sought repeatedly, but I have not found. One man among a thousand I have found, but a woman among all these I have not found.”

They tell me I must rule you

Subjugate you

Shepherd you firmly

And protect you from yourself

They dare to tell me

They tell me you are inferior

Weaker, I am superior

My pride says, “Amen!”

But alone I ponder their words

We walk before men who judge

Who lay down law as gospel

And neglect Christ’s love

(Am I one of them?)

I reject these foolish men

These arrogant and violent men

Mongers after power

They have Satan in their souls

I want to lead, and be led

To love, and be loved

To shepherd, and be shepherded

By love’s example

At last I can love and be loved

By a woman after God’s own heart

Whose ear inclines to my meager wisdom

As the flower bends to the sun

Oh, lover! Oh, friend!

Your light emanates from the Eternal

And your submission from freedom

I, your husband, wear a crown

Fashioned in your strong and willing hands

Placed there by God’s favor

And your choice

Solomon . . . eat your heart out!

And in response, how can I help but lean toward her wisdom as a flower to the sun? God’s Spirit lives in her no less, and perhaps more, than in my own heart.

As we grow older, my dearling teaches me how to do so gracefully, with acceptance.

Dancer Me

Spin me around in your arms

Let me feel your hands upon my shoulder blades

Take me against your small warm body

Dance with me until we weary

Tell me of your love for me

I’m not tired of hearing it from your inmost heart

Whisper how you feel tonight

Against my shoulder, head on my chest

We are not young as some lovers count youth

We are slow to claim great things

And quick to bow when circumstance blows

Bow, not break, for love endures all

I have made many choices in my life. Two choices stand above all others as my best and wisest. The first was made by a desperate sixteen year old, and set the course of the rest of my life. The second was made by a weary, abandoned father of two tiny girls, and brought me a lover, best friend, and teacher in the arts of Agape. My dearest Carol…. I love you and thank God for this greatest gift aside from himself I’ve ever received. The undeserved and astonishing gift of your love.

–Jon – September 2, 2013

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